tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-381303733456333726.post6868722431113602877..comments2009-09-06T09:51:31.874-03:00Comments on Jin's ES2007S Blog: Job Application Letter CritiqueKwon Hyuk Jinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09277925673631745846noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-381303733456333726.post-70503979312787182032009-09-06T09:51:31.874-03:002009-09-06T09:51:31.874-03:00Hey!
Overall, your application letter is well do...Hey! <br /><br />Overall, your application letter is well done. You have fulfilled most of the 7Cs in your content and I like that you mentioned your technical and soft skills clearly. <br /><br />But, I agree with Chun Fong on some improvements that you can make. Perhaps you can soften the tone a little to avoid an overly confidence feel. Perhaps you can add phrases like "I believe that", "I hope to", "would like to" so as to make your letter sound more polite and sincere. :)<br /><br />Nonetheless, your letter is a good read!LEE HUI LING EMILYhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14747700115092629448noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-381303733456333726.post-13471319729173566222009-09-05T11:02:36.329-03:002009-09-05T11:02:36.329-03:00Hi Jin,
your cover letter is reasonably good. It ...Hi Jin,<br /><br />your cover letter is reasonably good. It can better if you were to follow the suggestions that Chun Fong has mentioned. <br /><br />As Chun Fong mentioned, the structure of some of the sentences can be improved to convey the proper meaning of the message. <br /><br />For example, lets take a look at this phrase;<br />"have no problem mixing around with people from different cultural backgrounds".<br /><br />Instead of saying that that you do not have problems mixing around with others, I think it would be best if you were to say something like;<br />"have no problem working with people from different cultural backgrounds". <br />It sounds more professional.<br /><br />Or perhaps you can mention that you have worked with people of diverse cultural backgrounds in numerous occasions during your undergraduate studies.MdIdrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17398231788341421802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-381303733456333726.post-45214115156355251682009-09-04T12:29:34.539-03:002009-09-04T12:29:34.539-03:00Hi Jin,
Overall, this letter completely covers al...Hi Jin,<br /><br />Overall, this letter completely covers all the required aspects of a job application letter. I have a couple of comments and suggestions:<br /><br />1. Language. While reading your letter, it seems that there is some extent of lack of coherence, as well as fluency in your sentences. Basically, the sentence structure could be improved.<br /><br />2. Formatting. This may be minor, but you may wish to standardize the format of the dates (ie. 4 September 2009 compared to August 31st, 2009). You never know if the person would place an unfavourable judgment on you because of that inconsistency.<br /><br />3. Knowledge of institute. You may wish to further showcase your interest in working in the institute by elaborating what awards the company has been awarded, that you actually are aware of. I believe this will further impress the reader of your letter.<br /><br />4. Unintended pressure on the reader to get back to you with "good news". As Chris mentioned in the class regards to this, the word "positive" in the sentence, "I hope to hear POSITIVE response from you soon", places pressure on the person to reply to you with what you want to hear -- that you have been shortlisted for interview. You may want to take note of that.<br /><br />Hope you do not feel demoralized; these are but well-intended suggestions. >.< Cheers!Phong Chun Fonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05747347218203796052noreply@blogger.com